Relationships

I have seen that after a while relationships start fading. One such reason is that we start taking our relations quite casual and for granted. Listening, touch, appreciation, and food are such small gestures that keep the relationships alive.

Expectations play a very important role in making or breaking a relationship.

Blame game: It is often seen that blame game starts in the relationships. There is a very good story of a jug, glass,  and cotton. The story goes like this that one day a jug get struck with a glass and both get broken. So, jug blames glass and so does the glass blames glass. This is exactly what we do in our lives, we start playing the blame game and held others responsible for all our miseries. What if, glass strikes a cotton, nothing will happen. So, the message is if we make ourselves flexible like a cotton, then no one will get hurt in a relationship. 

Why life is so challenging

We read and talk so much about positivity and empowerment, the grass is always greener on the other side, blah blah blah, does that really encourage us. Sometimes, we fear that we must not lose hope in the tough time, sometimes we fear for our closed ones that they should not give up in the challenging times. It reminds me of the Bollywood movie Sainik, which portrays this thing so eloquently.

We have made our world so structured, those who do not conform to this structure seem left out. When humanity started its journey, it was all about survival. Things developed, progress happened, science, business and economy boomed, but I wonder what was for this all progress.

I agree medical science is so advance, so have become our health conditions so complicated. Social media has grown exceptionally, so is the case for depression and loneliness. Our life has comfort, but no security, no peace of mind. Air, land, oceans, space, everything seems compromised. There is so much pollution everywhere, not only our physical world, rather our spiritual and religious world has also become corrupted and shallow.

Another thing is that we always keep thinking either about the past or future and it keeps our mind always occupied. As our body needs rest, our mind also needs rest. And, meditation is one such tool that keeps our mind relaxed and gives us control over our own thoughts so that we can keep the negative or unwanted thoughts at bay.

My lessons of life

1. Judgemental: This is one such thing which is being heard quite a lot these days. We often find ourselves complaining that people judge us. On the contrary, we equally judge the people. The change starts from the home, I believe if I make one small change in my life that I don't bother how people judge me and I also stop judging people around me, I believe that I will find my life more liberal and free.
2. Carefree life: I often find myself complaining about what kind of life is this, one challenge after another, is this the sole purpose of life. But, there is a saying, if you change your perspective, things become easier (नज़र बदलने से  नज़ारें बदल जातें हैं). Challenges will keep coming, we should be prepared for them. Then, we will not see challenges as challenges, rather as surprises.

Empty Nest: a hard reality of aging in western world

I know an Indian lady in Switzerland, which is of the same age as my mother-in-law. I see how different is her life than my mother-in-law. She has two daughters and both of them are grown-ups. My mother-in-law also has two children and both of them are grown-ups. But, both of these ladies have so different lifestyles. Both of them are equally busy.

A daily routine of my mother-in-law:

1. She wakes up early (around 6 am) in the morning. 
2. She switches on the water motor to fill the water tank upstairs.
3. She first gets fresh, cleans her teeth and then takes her medicines empty stomach. 
4. Then, either she takes bath first or at least changes her cloth. Basi clothes or changed clothes will be simply washed in the water and will be hung outside for drying.
5. Then, she wipes the kitchen counter, as in West Bengal, tik-tiki i.e. lizards keep roaming in the dark during the night, so it is precautionary to wipe clean the dining table and kitchen counter before starting any cooking.
6. She plucks the flowers for the pooja.
7. If she has taken the bath already, she will open all the windows of the house.
8. Then, she will go upstairs, water her plants as well as the holy basil i.e. tulsi.
9. She will wash all the pooja utensils and clean/wipe the prayer room.
10. She will decorate all the deities with flowers, picked from own roof garden. 
11. She will offer the sandesh ( a milk-based Bengali sweet), nokul dana and water to the deities, burn an incense stick, abhishek (i.e. bath) the shivlingam with water, and will recite the holy mantras or Lordess Lokhi panchali. 
12. The man of the home will bring the newspaper, telaebhaja i.e. fried items for the breakfast, fish or eggs for the lunch, fruits, and vegetables, sweets for the pooja, if required special flowers for the pooja, dahi usually for ekadashi or any other upas (i.e. fast) and milk for the tea.
13. She will keep the tea for boiling. She will wash the milk packets and then will keep the milk for boiling. Empty packets will be stored, maybe for selling later.
14. She will enjoy her tea with only two biscuits.
15. She will keep a cup of tea for the maid who will broom and wipe the house and will wash the dishes from the previous night.
16. If everyone has wakened up, then she will first fold the mosari i.e. mosquito net, and then make the bed properly followed with broom clean. Bengalis are very particular about their bed sheets being folded properly.
17. She will wash the rice and lentil separately for the lunch and soak it.
18. She will first wash the eggs properly before storing in the refrigerator or boiling.
19. She will sort out all the vegetables and keep them in the refrigerator and keep some aside for the lunch.
20. After having the tea and doing the bed, she will start cutting the vegetables for lunch.
21. She will keep boiling the lentil and rice at two gas ovens. She usually cooks the rice at the separate oven at the end.
22. She will wash the fish properly, and apply the turmeric and salt and keep it aside in the kitchen.
23. Then she will prepare a vegetable item for the lunch and leftover of the same vegetable will be used for the dinner. 
24. If she needs to wash any clothes that day, she will soak it first in the morning in a bucket.
25. After doing the pooja, she will close down some of the house windows as it starts raining there heavily and suddenly. Now she will eat the breakfast which is usually muri i.e. puffed rice with fried items and cucumber and water.
26. Once, veg food items have prepared, she will prepare the non-veg items, usually fish and on Sunday, it is chicken.
27. In the end, she will put the rice to boil.
28. As soon as she finishes cooking an item, she shifts it to the serving bowl and keeps the bigger utensils like hari, kada for the cleaning.
29. When maid arives, she first brooms all the rooms and wipes them. Then she washes the outside area and all the dirty dishes. My mother-in-law warms the tea for the maid and serves her with two biscuits or fried items or sweets.
30. Once lunch has cooked, she will switch on the water filter and starts filling all the water bottles.
31. If it is around 12, she again switches on the water motor to fill the water tank.
32. She wipes the kitchen counter and brooms the whole house again before serving the food.
33. After having the lunch, she wipes the dining area and closes the kitchen.
34. She will then wash her hands and feet and comb her hair, she might also change her saree.
35. It is already around 2.30 pm or 3 in the afternoon she will switch on the tv, will read the Bengali newspaper for a while and take a nap.
36. When she will wake up around 5, she will prepare the tea for her and enjoy with either muri-telaebhaja or the other evening snack. She will also wipe all the washed utensils with dish or rea towel and arrange them in the kitchen. 
37. At the sunset, when it starts getting dark around 7, she will do the sandhya arti after changing her clothes.
38. Either she will someone to buy the rotis for the evening or she will prepare it before making the evening tea for her.
39. Now, she will switch on the tv and starts watching the serials one after the another.
40. At that time, she will also cut and chop the vegetables for tomorrow morning.
41. If her saree blouses are loose or tight, so she will adjust them at this time.
42. Around 10, she will again broom the bedroom, she will clean and make the bed. Hang the mosquito net.
43. After dinner, she will keep the dirty dishes aside, wipe the dining area.
44. She will brush her teeth before sleeping and take her medicines before sleeping.
45. She will also burn the mosquito repellent coil as well before sleeping.
46. She also keeps a water bottle aside at her bed table.

A daily routine of a Swiss-German lady in Switzerland:

1. She does wake up around 6 in the morning.
2. She makes her bed and bathes.
3. For breakfast, coffee or tea, with a slice or two of bread with honey, butter, cheese, jam or jelly, and a boiled egg.
4. She puts all the dirty dishes in the dishwasher.
5. Depending upen the day and time slot of her laundry, she puts all the dirty clothes in the laundry basket and washes them on the preplanned laundry day.
6. She vacuums the house twice a week using a vacuum cleaner.
7. Around 10, she eats an apple or drinks juice.
8. She quickly prepapes something for the lunch, bread, lentil or a vegetable. 
9. For the dinner, it is usually a salad and she concludes her day with a glass of warm water.
10. During the daytime, she is very active. She drives the car, goes walking or swimming or biking or sauna bath.
11. On the weekends, she goes hiking/trekking along with swimming in the lake or pond.

What I find is that as my Swiss neighbor's daughters have grown up, so she does not need to cook on a routine basis. If she is at home, she cooks, else she eats something healthy at a restaurant or buys a takeaway. In the western country like Europe, Canada or America, once children are of the age of 16 or 18, they move out and stay independent. Thus, their nest becomes empty. It does have its own consequences, like depression or loneliness. 

While, in India, my mother-in-law has a responsibility of my unmarried brother-in-law. She has to prepare the food, clean and maintain the house. In India, visitors don't call or make an appointment before the visit as is the case in the foreign country.

If you do not buy the milk in the evening hours, it becomes very hard to find the milk. If my mother-in-law doesn't fill the water tank in the morning, you may have to face the shortage of water during daytime. If you don't buy the fish in the morning, you may end up finding a poor quality fish.