Life of Indians in North America

Travelling has always been my long-cherished dream and desire. I was fortunate enough to see the other side of the world. It was a unique kind of experience. It enabled me not only to see the world from a geographical point of view, but I started looking at the world from a totally different lens. Things suddenly started making sense. One of the changes I realized was the comparison. when I was in my home country, things were so obvious and I never questioned them, But when I landed in a different country, that too from a developing country to a developed country, it was a very accomplished learning experience. Now, I had something to compare with and appreciate the beauty of one over the other. Things were no more obvious. Following are a few things which people from India find amusing when they first land in North America:---

1. When people from India come to the USA, I should better be specific. Mostly youngsters come to the USA and specifically in Silicon Valley, thanks to the evolving software market and cheap labor. After doing the software debugging for long hours in the air-conditioned office, they are bitten by travel bugs on the weekends. It might be the curiosity to explore a new city or make the most of their time when they are in the US on company expenses.

2. Cooking: This is not amusing for many of the young software engineers, male and female alike. For few days, bigMac burgers, hot dogs, and pizzas keep their stomachs satisfied, but after a while, they start longing for the home-made rajma chawal or sambhar dosa. So, they start surfing for cooking blogs and Youtube and try their hands on cooking.

There is another angle to this as well. Some fortunate ones come on site with their spouses on their second honeymoon on company expenses, kind of. So, when husbands are busy in the office, their wives get bored at home. There is a reason for it. In America, life is different. You have machines for everything. For laundry, you have paid washing machine outlets usually in the basement of your apartment building. As it is paid, you plan to do the full laundry once a week. Everything is pretty much automatic, load the clothes and set the timer and forget it for a while. For dishwashing, the process is the same. People keep a lot of utensils so they can do the dishwashing when the dishwasher is fully loaded. People do the grocery only once in a week, usually on the weekends, thanks to the big size of the refrigerators there. Same goes for the cleaning, they do the vacuum once in a week. So, the point is you get some free time. In India, free time is luxury, because you can gossip with many people. But, here due to the time difference, you can not call India any time to gossip with friends and family, believe me, it is a kind of challenge. So, their wives come up with food and traveling blogs and cooking channels on the Youtube. This is a good team task as well, where wives contribute the content and husbands get the chance to showcase their technical video editing skills.

Baking: When I talk about the cooking, baking is another thing which everyone wants to try their hands to show off their baking skills on their trip to India. As oven and microwaves are the common commodities available in every kitchen, so you kind of try to acquire this skill. 

3. Driving: Though India has changed a lot in the past decade. But again, India is a big, diversified country and it takes time to change the things at full-scale. So, the next thing that becomes the reality in a big country like America is driving. You have to learn and get the driving license. In India, possessing a 4-wheeler is still considered a luxury and to know the driving is still a style. However, in America, due to the vast geographical structure of the country, it is a need. So, male and female alike, working or stay at home, one has to learn the driving.

 4. Potlucks: This is another thing which is a very important part of every Indian in America. This is the platform where one family hosts the event and the rest of the families bring one food item for everyone. Everybody gather, and gossip over the food of plate and rounds of drinks, though not alcoholic always, tea/coffee does work.

5. Temple: In India, temples are everywhere, and literally every nook and corner has a small or big temple. But in western countries, having a big temple in your city or area is like a paradise. Irrespective of the fact whether you are religious or spiritual, you make a point to visit the temple at least once a month. This is like a meeting point for all the desis to meet and interact with each other over a plate of free tasty Indian food plate. Yes, free tasty Indian food, in western countries, almost all the temples offer the free food along with the blessings of God and deities, isn't it interesting...

6. Roof: In India, a house roof is a special place for family get-togethers or for family gossips and some time for special celebrations like celebrating the Indian Independence by flying kites from the house roof. However, in the USA or Canada or Europe, you hardly have the access to the house roof.

7. If you happen to visit the USA or Europe during the end of summer or early fall, there is a lot of free flu vaccination campaigns.

Do leave a comment if I missed something and share your experience.

Does Dialogue has power...

To My Friends,

Meeting and engaging in dialogue
  with people for the sake of kosen-rufu—
This is the direct path to
  human revolution.
Let's tear down the walls we have
  built up around around our hearts!

When I first came to know about the Soka Gakkai International(SGI) and the concept of Kosen Rufu, sometime I felt overwhelm. I felt like all these discussions and guidances are not relevant for me. This is not the subject of my concern. Some of you might know, SGI is based on 13th century lay monk Nichiren Daishonin's Buddhism. These days, our world is changing so quickly and so much is being said about religions. There is no doubt that any one can feel skeptical before listening or accepting such philosophical or religious beliefs. And, I was no different. SGI puts so much emphasize on Dialouges and Youth. And, I have also realized with time that this is true that many worldly affairs if can be solved is through Dialogues only with the efforts of youth and open-heart spirit

Bengali Bride: Part 1

I was born and raised in a typical Punjabi family. I fall in love with a typical, traditional Bengali boy. And finally, both got happily married. Now starts a new chapter of adjustment of Punjabi daughter into a Bengali bahu.
As I mentioned my husband is a typical Bengali and for your knowledge, due to my poor general awareness, it came as news to me that Bengalis are far more food lovers than Punjabis. It is said for Bengalis that they live for food, they celebrate food and food is their god and so they pray to the food. And my Bengali husband was no exception. So challenge started when I learned that he cooks equally well and expects the same from his career focused Punjabi wife. But, to me, cooking food was the last in my priority list. After so many confusions, contradictions and arguments, I took it as a challenge to master this skill, all for the sake of my loving husband. There are so many dimensions to the Bengali food or Bengali cuisine that I have to unlearn so much to accommodate this new thing.
So, the first in this series is how Bengali food is different from Punjabi food.
Aloo gobi(potato cauliflower curry), all Punjabi simply love this winter delicacy to the core. Trust me, how amazing feels the smell of a phool gobi tarkari the first few days when it comes in the market in the winter months.
What I found that in West Bengal, phool gobi is prepared not only with potato but shingri(shrimp) too. And, it is an equally hit dish there as well.
We Punjabi love stuffed paranthas(fried bread), especially in breakfast. But, I have not seen such thing in common in a Bengali household. Their concept of breakfast is totally different than Punjabis.
When I have already started about breakfast. And, no breakfast is complete without the mention of tea. Before marriage, I heard of black tea, milk tea, and green tea. But, Bengalis use one more version of tea that is lal chai(red tea). To my understanding to date, I think it is black tea(tea without milk). I might be wrong in this regard, but the red tea is prepared in the exact same way as the black tea. This does not end here, there is another variety very commonly can be found on Bengal sea beaches and market streets alike, called Lemon tea, a kind of healthy version of tea for Bengali tea lovers. My other observation about Bengalis is that they love to argue a lot, that is why Bengal is called the intellectual capital of India too. They have the story for everything. Bengalis are a totally different breed, a continent within the continent. They read a lot, so they accumulate so much knowledge and then they get confuse how to dispense that knowledge. And once they find this opportunity, they never let it go. You can trust me, I am one of the victims. So, I end my post here today, will come again with another interesting observation about Bongs soon. If you agree with and like this article, do leave a word, trust me it encourages a lot.

Home is a feeling, not a place: Hiraeth of an Albatross

You might have experienced this in your life that some words or phrases have a special connection with us. When we hear them they may make us happy, angry or confused sometimes. One such word for me is 'Home'. It has a very mix feeling for me. It confuses me as well.

When I was young, I always wanted to have my own place, in which I have the full authority. Maybe I belong to the society where Men have a complete authority, which has always irritated me to the core. So, I had this unconscious desire to have my own place. Being a female, I have seen women as very vulnerable, so having my own home, this feeling alone gave me a sense of security.

When I was single, I was brought up with the concept that my parents home belongs to my brothers. I thought my husband home would be mine. Which is kind of mine, but it takes years to build this trust. I came to a new country with my husband, made many friends, some really good friends and again we have to move to another country. I am now in a phase where I am again making some new bonds to comfort me with the feeling of being at home.  I always struggle with this, the place I call home was the one which I have left years ago or the place I am currently living at.  But there is a phrase, "out of sight, out of mind", which scares me a lot. What if people I made good bonds with would forget me.

This seems something very ordinary, but many can relate to this. Especially, the age in which we are living in, this feeling of home has become even stronger and deeper for all. This is something, poor or rich, all can connect. We live in an age where there are no borders, we have become global citizens. This is a strange emotion and amazed me at times, have we really become global? We come to a new country in the hopes of security, a brighter future and fulfilling our dreams. And, sometimes we are left in total confusion. We have left our own homes in the hopes of dream homes and we are stranded. On the other hand, in the current global scenario, there are few unfortunate incidences, which force people to leave their own homes and sometimes countries. I really feel compassion for them.

Amidst all this mix feeling, this morning one of my friends shared an album about home. She shared the same feeling as I have for home and at the end, she concluded very well that home is not a place or address, it is a feeling. And, I realized, how simple and true is this.

Today, I read a Welsh word "Hiraeth", though I heard about this very first time, its literal meaning is hard to explain. But it seems so connecting.

Urban Loneliness and depression: Social mobility is one of the prices that we need to pay to afford the luxury of a modern lifestyle.  Along with this comes, a new term coined as Urban Loneliness and depression. Lack of social interaction, distrust, and shrinking communities are the root causes behind these symptoms.

Ignorance is bliss

I heard this line first time in 1994  beauty pageant when Sushmita Sen from India answered in the question-answer round that "Ignorance is Bliss" . I was young at that time and could not figure out the real intent behind this answer. What was so great in this answer that she won the Miss Universe title. And, time kept passing and I totally forgot about this.
Then, six years ago, I left my home country and started a new adventure of my life, dream of my life, traveling. And, even this small period of abroad stay in two continents has made me understand this world a bit more clear, which some times makes me scared.
Now, I am in Switzerland. I was very happy as in my home country Switzerland is believed to be the heaven on Earth. Most importantly, after watching Bollywood movies by Yash Chopra, you definitely start fascinating about visiting Switzerland at least once in your life like a pilgrim.
My dream fulfilled last year, though the process made me desperate towards the end but I am glad it was wonderful in the end.
So, this year as well I was fortunate enough to get the opportunity to live in Switzerland to truly feel its air and smell the freshness and cherish the green beauty, enjoy the music of church bells every few minutes and the sound of cow bells gazing on top of the hills in the late afternoon. This seems very simple and ordinary imagining while sitting in front of a office laptop in a concrete jungle. But, believe me this is a true bliss, and nature of universe to come back to the nature.
All was happy , I was in my dream land. Sipping a hot cup of coffee , standing in my balcony on top floor of my apartment, viewing the green hills, passing of a train from the twists and turns of the hill and cows calmly gazing on the green meadows.I am very demanding, I would not have believed liking all these small wonders until I visited here.
So, yester evening, I invited a local Swiss friend of mine and while conversing she brought the topic that Swiss people are very fortunate that they have direct democracy and all that. And, at last she showed her concern on few issues and brought the topic of Brexit. One thing I realized from my abroad trips is the habit of learning from the environment. Since last few months, my friends were sharing on FB about Brexit, but it didn't sound something interesting and skipped reading that post for later. As, I had a long time belief that politics is for the politician and common people need not to pay heed to all these political stuff.
Anyways, through that conversation, she showed her concern that Switzerland is a country of brain, they have their own brain and pick the best brain from the world. If Brexit does not end with a happy note, then what might be the possible consequences for Switzerland. She further stressed that how severely the science might get affect because of all this political mess.
My ears alarmed when she brought the science thing. Because my partner is a scientist and we are expat in Switzerland. Now, I started googling the thing and got aware how closely we might get affected by all these political things.And, only thought that came to my mind just before existing from my dreamland of fairy tales was, "Ignorance is Bliss".

will you stay abroad or return back

I had a discussion with a good friend of mine yesterday regarding our plans to stay abroad or return back to our home country as and when opportunity comes. I told I am not sure,it all depends but would not mind to be back to my home country, reunited with my family and friends. She insisted how can you even think of taking this decision as there are more opportunities in developed countries rather than a Utopian feeling to connect with family and friends, after all this is your only life to live to the fullest.
It has been over six years when I started encountering this same question "will you stay here/there or return back to your home country"???????? Every person has different reason and curiosity for this question. Even I often ask this question to others. All have their own reasons to ask this question.Some ask this question just for the sake of asking a question or some look for support for their decisions through my answer. Whatever is the reason, I can bet on this that every individual who has been to foreign land has been asked this question or has asked this question to someone who he/she knows has been to foreign country. Why is this question so important, especially in this digital age of global citizenship.

And, you won't believe I don't know the answer to this question????? I keep looking for the answer, to judge my true feelings about this, my intention, my decision, and more I ponder, more I get confused with mixed feelings.

People says life is there, where your near and dear ones are. I always see posts on social media, where people show their desire to reconnect with their friends and family 24*7. If we have so strong desire for our dear ones, so how can we even think of departing from then. I do not know....

My one reason to go back to my country is that my family. But after living so many years abroad, whenever you visit your own country , after few days of fun, you start having an alien feeling. The same air and land start seeming stranger. And I started getting the urge, not to return back abroad, but to escape to another strange land. Where I can exchange my feeling of strangeness to the feeling of curiosity to know that strange city. When this curiosity starts fading, you again land up in the mirage of desires.......what a paradox it is.
When I was a child, I feared FEAR a lot, which I do to date.What if I lost my parents, what if i have to part from friends. What if I changed the school and have to leave my old friends. When friends start getting married, I wondered now will I get the same time and attention from them...and there was no end to it...from the fear of changing the school to the fear of changing the organization to the fear of changing the country...Time has change, land has changed, friends have changes...but fear is same old fear, which is very familiar to me.

Ten Worlds of Nichiren Buddhism

Buddhism says we are ordinary ignorant people with a very limited vision. That is why we need direction of wise teachers and wisdom from world philosophies to keep our lives on track. One such Buddhist concept is of ten worlds. It says there exists ten worlds in every single moment and it depends on our life state to which world will dominate that particular moment. Before elaborating more on this, I state these ten worlds: Hell, Hunger, Animality, Anger, Humanity, Heavon, Learning, Realization,Bodhisattva and Buddhahood.

With time, I have realized this concept very relevant and meaningful. I will not discuss all these worlds here as they all kind of self-explanatory.And, I am not a spiritual leader or Buddhist monk to give a discourse on these concepts.

I am here to acknowledge and share the concepts which I have learned ,found meaningful and beneficial. Buddhism also believes in sharing. Sharing the problems and benefits as well. I am here to share the philosophies which had comforted me at times and throw light and hope in the darkness of my problems.

I am a keen learner. I learned many things, but there was a void. I knew there was something missing, as there was no contentment despite so much learning. After encountering Buddhism and this concept of ten worlds and going through the sequence of these worlds, one thing stuck my attention. It was the sequential order of learning and realization. I have learnt the things, but realization was missing. I read the book, but experience was missing. Realization always follows the learning. After realizing the importance of Realization and reflecting back on my life experiences, I was kind of able to put together all the pieces and can see for myself where is what missing. It took time to learn this life lesson but believe me it was worth.

Briefly, ten worlds say that we have all the good or bad expressions within ourselves. Like something wrong happens and we may react aggressively and blaming the people and surrounding and what not. But another way to see at it is like this, instead of blaming others , we may pause and think for a moment how it could be done right and be hopeful to resolve the issue. Both the approaches or expressions are very common and exist within ourselves.But at different times, we react differently. Sometime with despair and another times with hope and happiness. And our reaction depends on our life state. If we have high life state that is of humanity and higher, we react more positively. That is why in Buddhism we always chant and pray and motivate for higher life states. Again, both positivity and negativity are vicious cyles. Positivity  attracts positivity and negativity attracts negativity. So, always keep your spirits uplifted,

Environment Support

Since past few years, I have been introduced to the Buddhism. The very first thing that appealed to me in Buddhism was the concept of environmental support. Being ordinary persons, we have very limited vision and understanding. There are many thing which exists around us and still we are so ignorant of them. There is a concept in Buddhism that we can neither see our own eyes nor the distant stars. This is something which makes absolute sense to me. So, is the concept of Environment support. I can relate it to many experiences of my own life. Like, few months ago, I traveled from Canada to India. It was a very pleasant journey. At my final destination, I come to know that one of my luggage did not arrive. I filed the complaint and was assured that in a day or two, I will get my luggage back. As I know this is very common in long distance flights and was very hopeful to get back my luggage soon.And, to my surprise, it has been almost 4 months, I have not received my luggage. Though, I followed up with the officers and called many times,but of no use. I had an expensive ticket with good air carrier. I checked in my luggage properly. I did all the right things, still my luggage got missing and no body is taking its responsibility. Now, to whom do I blame for this???I believe, it is just that I lacked environment support.
Another great example, I was travelling from Canada to USA on visa. My flight was comfortable and safe. All went well. And after two years, I was planning my trip to Switzerland from Canada and applying for visa and preparing all the other documents. At that time, the kind of documents I had for Canada immigration allows me to go and visit any country, but I will need one more document to reenter Canada. This was kind of surprise or confusing to me. Because, when I visited USA two years back, I had the same status in Canada, but I had no problem to reenter Canada. After researching for few days and consulting some travel agents, I come to know that Canada and USA has some ties that allowed me to enter Canada without requiring any other document, but this is not the case with Switzerland. I really thanked my environment at that time for all the support it provided me two years back at the Canada airport, which I realized two years later.
In many philosophies, prayer is considered an important pillar of ones faith. And, Buddhism is no exception. The difference is that pray for right things and supportive environment is equally important. I just quoted very simple examples from the diary of my own life. I do not need to elaborate more on this as we can see many examples from a newspaper of todays time. To be at right place, at right time with right people is all I believe is the concept of environment support and I always pray for it. 

Fundamental Darkness

My roots belong to India. India has inheritance of great sages, spiritual and intellectual leaders. One of the great spiritual leader of all time is Buddha. He appeared on this earth centuries ago. He is the one which is enlightened, that is why he is called Buddha. Many of you might know, Buddha is not the name of a person, but it is a status which means "enlightened one". He got enlightened and is believed to be liberated. Different schools of Buddhism have different beliefs. I have not studied all the schools, so I can not comment on that. However, I know one concept of Buddhism which really appeals to me and makes great sense to me and everybody. This Buddhist concept is called the Fundamental darkness. Fundamental darkness is the darkness within ourselves that exists in you and I and everyone. This was the core reason Buddha set off his journey of enlightenment and liberation. Upon his enlightenment, he charted the path for all of us, so we all can benefit. He was a noble soul and believed in the welfare of all. Buddha said good and evil both exist within us. And it is constant fight between this good and evil existing in every moment. When we are not aware of this fundamental darkness inherit within ourselves, we start exploring outside and giving blame to outside factors if something goes wrong. I do strongly believe some sort of force within myself which strongly pulls me to do the things which are easy to do rather the work which is supposed to be done. Hey, I am a perfectly normal, healthy , intellectual person. When you are surrounded with people and things, we are distracted. But, when we are alone, then our internal system, our thoughts start playing their role and then emerges the challenge to deal with this fundamental darkness.
One school of Buddhism, Nichiren Buddhism, believes that one tool to win this battle over fundamental darkness is chanting "Nam Myo Ho Renge Kyo". This is a Japanese phrase meaning I devote myself to the mystic law of lotus sutra. You might have heard this chanting before. This is a very profound philosophy and when pondered on its concepts with an open mind really gives wisdom and insight into our problems. Once you start exploring this philosophy, as an intellectual person, it seems repetitive and redundant.It is not uncommon. I can say from my experience, as I felt the same once I first encountered this philosophy. It takes time to convince oneself and a passionate teacher. And you will not believe fundamental darkness itself is a vicious cycle. Even not having faith in this Buddhist philosophy or any other life philosophy which affirms hope and light, is also our fundamental darkness. This darkness is so profound these days that life gurus , corporate trainers and what not are cropping up everywhere. See, this is a simple economical concept, there is demand, that is why supply.
Nam myo ho renge kyo is a tool which starts questioning to us whether we are taking full responsibility of our life. It asks you to look within and release that good vibes of wisdom, compassion and courage. And, there is so much darkness within ourselves, so much clutter, so much influences of this and that, we need a light, we need a spark which can guide our path through this journey to win over ourselves. Nichiren Buddhism believes in this chanting of nam myo ho renge kyo to cross the bridge of any difficulty. Many people say that simply chanting nam myo ho renge kyo will solve all my miseries. I say never, this is impossible. How it works is like this, it enables you from within , it gives you the direction and vision to overcome your miseries. When this attitudinal shift happens then things automatically starts moving in that direction.If it is something that connects with you and simply you would like to know more about this, just drop a comment. 

Nomads in digital age

This is a digital global age rather say an age of modern nomads. Earlier it was a lot better than now in one respect. All the family members of nomads wandered together.However, in this time of global citizens, children leave their homes for bright prosperous future and cage of parents become empty. Parents are like strong trees which can not be up rooted and placed in other countries so easily. If parents agree in the hopes of staying together with their children and grand children, they soon start drying up in a sense that they miss their own home back in their home country, their friends and relatives, though those people do not have any time to say hello. Relatives and relationships are different story and I may write another post on that. Anyways, I am also a nomad. I left my country with my husband to fulfill our dreams. And, parents agreed to stay in home country with rest of the family and friends in the hope that we would visit quite often. But, once you are in different country in this financially crunching times, unstable economies whether you talk about Canada or America, situation is same everywhere, you have to have very selective dreams. When I first left India, I thought I will visit my family once a year. I did not realize life has become nomad, but this nomadness is also very selective. You do not always go where you want to, you have to go where your destiny takes you.I entrusted on technology to keep me connected with my family. I did not realize I belong to India which is believed to be a software hub and upcoming super power. However, reality at ground level is still very harsh. Technology does demand infrastructure and finance. Many a time, government fails to provide it due to their own limitations. This leaves you a physical nomad with trapped heart in your country in your own people.
There is another prospective to this modern age nomadness, which I realized in my recent visit to India. People are wandering clueless among digital technologies day and night in the hopes of connecting with people.  But, still global statistics says half of the world population feels loneliness, what kind of paradox is this. I have started pondering on this, and I know answer is somewhere within me, around me. I have found remedy in appreciation and gratitude. Now, I spend few hours quite or in company of my husband with a cup of coffee and cherishing the nature. The tall tress, big hills and mountains covered with green trees. I wonder do they also have some story to share with me...hopefully yes...
Do leave your comments and opinions.

MrighTrishna : Mirage of desires

Hello Readers, I start off by introducing the main character of this post, Maya. She is not someone else but she is within all of us, within all the women of the world. She plays the profile of a housewife. I named her 'Maya'. This is a very mystic name, at least to me. This name has always amazed me since my childhood. I do not know why this name always attracts me. Whenever I reflect on this name, I always get an illusioned vision. My this post is not something informative or intellectual rather very reflective. So, I come to the main agenda of my post, housewife Maya. The profile of a housewife is the one which I always underestimated. And, I do not know about others but there is one thing about my life, whenever I threw a question to my life, it has always replied it back to me in detail, which I have realized time again and again. I never wanted myself to be associated with housewife identity, for the past few years, I have lived this identity to the core of my heart and always pondered about my past and present perspective about housewives. I never realized that my life will answer me in this way. Anyways, some of you might connect with this invisible expression of mine to your self. I am not complaining about being a housewife. This transition from a working, liberal woman to a housewife has given me the opportunity and vision to connect to myself and explore beyond the work designations. Maya is within all of us. Maya is someone who has lots and lots of desires. It is particular to women who many times do not get the opportunities or attitude to fulfill their dreams. Believe me how much heart it takes to acknowledge that you have dreams and do not know the direction of how to pursue them. Hardships become easy when you know the direction. If not, it becomes a clueless, dark journey. And accept it or not, many women have gone through and are going through this dark journey and some of them have no idea about it. If you are ignorant about this, you are happy, else it hurts a lot. Maya can feel this hurt. She is always divided between her aspirations and responsibilities She is confused. You can sense this from the style of my writing in this blog post. It has so many ideas, expressions to share, but again thoughts are lost and confused. I believe this is the beauty of this character and connects well with Maya.   This post should not end here, but this is Maya which always leaves you thought provocative...to ponder and reflect within to find this lost character which has universal existence and still lost among ourselves. When we accept a Maya within us, to some, it means a lost war or failure, or to some a forever struggle. Both of these are not acceptable to many. But, this is the reality; we come across this character every now and then.  If this small post has struck some cords in your heart, please leave a comment.